Decision:

Growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher.

Around 16, 17 I started to get awkward around younger kids because I wanted to fit in and be a cool kid and coloring at the kids table while everyone else talked about which movie star did what that week just isn’t cool.

So I just stopped playing. I forced myself (consciously, subconsciously, doesn’t really matter at this point…) to forget. To forget how much fun it is to play and dance and laugh and make a fool of myself and learn all the lessons of life through that playing and falling and getting back up.

Now, I’ve learned to take myself a lot less seriously.
Now, I remember.
We have to play.
We have to dance.
We have to sing and twirl and make messes and fall down and get bruised and learn how to get back up again because man, this life is not an easy one and the sooner we learn how to deal with the imperfectness of our lives the easier it will be to deal with the pain that is still to come.

So I’ve decided
I want to be a teacher.

Because seriously, sometimes adults just make me want to scream.
Can we just stop taking ourselves so seriously? Please?

Life is messy. And that’s really okay.

There’s a lot to be learned in making messes and cleaning them up.

(Cuz think about it
That’s kind of what life is about
We make messes,
We clean them up
We try to create something beautiful in the process
And if we make someone smile along the way
Then that day is a good day
This is life
It’s *supposed* to be messy)

The thing we have to learn
The most important thing
(at least the way I see it)
Is how to clean up our messes after we make them
(because we all make messes. Everyone. Cool kids DEFINITELY included)

We gotta learn how strong we are
And how the happiest people in the world
Are the ones that aren’t afraid to make messes
Because they know how to clean them up
AND they know
they are strong enough to take on that mess they just made
Because they’ve already cleaned up so much

They’ve worked on their mess-cleaning muscles
So they know
Whatever life throws at them
They’ve got this.

I’ve got this.

So.
I want to make messes
And I want to clean them up

And I want to dance and play and sing and be silly and never ever take myself too seriously because I am far too human to ever think in a million years I could ever achieve perfection
(whatever the hell perfection is anyway)

I’ve tried on a lot of masks over the years
Tried to be a lot of different people
Done as much as I can to figure out who I am
By trying on the masks of the people
I admired
The people
That seemed to be happy

I wanted to see
How to be happy
If I lived like them
Then maybe I could be happy too

Tried to be someone I’m not
Tried to fit in with the cool kids
The ‘mature’ kids
The ‘adults’
Well, that mask is frickin’ suffocating
And I am sick and tired of not being able to breathe

So

I’ve decided

I’m listening to my younger self
Before the cool kids
Before the trying-to-fit-in-the-box
I’m listening to little Anniella
And I’m going to be a teacher.

We adults take ourselves way too seriously.

I’d much rather hang out with kids all day and paint pictures and make card castles and play with toys and dance around and plant seeds of kindness and love and gentleness and knowledge and growth in every single interaction I make.

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I still have a lot of research to do on how to make this happen. I know I have quite a few friends that are teachers and/or work in childcare – if anyone would be willing to let me pick their brain on what they had to do and the certification process and degree and everything, please please get in touch.

Also, I don’t have any experience really babysitting on my own or doing childcare, but I love hanging out with kids and I know kids love hanging out with me. Once I get my first aid/CPR training I absolutely want to do some work as a babysitter. I know I also have lots of friends that have kids so if you ever need a babysitter or even a tutor definitely let me know.

Honestly, I don’t even know the process for getting first aid/CPR certified but if anyone knows of any programs that will help you get trained for free or through a scholarship program or something please let me know. I am in the negative in my bank account right now so any training I have to do will have to be funded in some other way.

Also. If you know of any daycares or child care facilities that are decent places to work that don’t require a TON of physical exertion, please let me know. I start back up at Burgerville tomorrow, and I love the people I work with, but it’s a hard job to do, especially as someone living a mostly-vegan lifestyle, and with my physical pain issues right now, I honestly don’t know how long I will be able to last.

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Alright.

Long-term goal recognized and acknowledged.
Intention sent out into the Universe.

…I should probably eat breakfast now.

Have a great morning, friends! 🙂

Anniella Nicole Levitt
Vancouver, WA
December 20, 2015